Have You Ever
by Lexi1989
Summary: Sequel 2 of Thinking of You. The greatest pain that comes from love is loving someone you can never have.


**This is sequel 2 to my other oneshot 'Thinking of You.'**

 **Sequel 1 is uploaded simultaneously 'When I Look Into Your Eyes'**

 **Best to read 'Thinking of You' first before reading this ;)**

 **And this fic is inspired by the song 'Have You Ever' by S Club 7**

 **Text in** _ **italics**_ **is a flashback**

 **xoxo Lexi1989**

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 **HAVE YOU EVER**

 **xOneShotx**

"Kasai Hyuuga! Get down from that tree this instant!"

Mikan Hyuuga calls out from the kitchen of their summer house at the Hamptons. She was wearing an apron over her yellow cotton button down shirt and jean shorts. This was the first time in five years that she came back to this house. It brought back so many memories.

At first she had been mortified to learn that the only house available for them to rent was her summer house five years ago. She was sixteen back then. So young and full of dreams. Her husband received a late approval for his vacation hence, they were forced to rent this place even if she had hesitated. She didn't want to impose on her mother and father in law, and she certainly didn't want any slight chance of running into him.

She approached the young boy who had just scrambled down from the tree. Her tree. It grew a bit since she last saw it, five years ago. Its branches reaching further up than her old bedroom window. It was the tree he kissed her under. The tree she climbed whenever she went out to see him back then. This was the house she had lived in the day she met him. And now, all those memories flooded back to her.

A warm pair of hands wrapped themselves around her waist and she turned her head as her husband, Tsubasa, nuzzled his head on her shoulder.

"Daddy! Stop that! Mommy's mine!" The young boy gave him a pout similar to her own when she was a young child.

"No can do kiddo, I got mommy first!" He scooped up his wife and carried her beyond the child's reach, teasing him.

She laughed along with him but deep inside, her heart ached. He didn't get her first. Somebody else did. Somebody close to him. But she had made her choice and walked away. She did what she thought what was best at that time.

"Take a shower young man and maybe I'll give you your mommy back." The handsome father declared, settling her down on the sand as the young boy then dashed into the house to hold him good to his promise.

The sun was setting now on the horizon providing them a majestic view as it kissed the sea and painted it with a multitude of hues ranging from purple to red, orange and yellow. She had only shared this view with one person before, but sadly, he couldn't be there with her now. Or so she thought.

"I always loved this view before." His smooth husky voice penetrates her senses.

Husband and wife who were hand in hand at the beach turned. He was standing there, on the spot where she first met him. Natsume Hyuuga, in the flesh.

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They sat at the dinner table hours later, plates cleared and with each brother holding a bottle of beer in hand. Mikan had gone up to tuck three year old Kasai into bed. She had just left the dozing child and silently entered the kitchen, just listening in to their conversation.

"It's a surprise to see you here Natsume, you're always too busy for family now." Tsubasa scolded his brother.

"You're the one who's busy Tsubasa. I come here every summer you know." The crimson eyed boy was now a man and he rolled his eyes.

"Oh?" They each took a swig of their beer.

"Who do you think rented this run down place for the past three years?"

"Really now?"

"Yep. Imagine my disappointment hearing that some other family rented it this year."

"Well, you are certainly most welcome to stay with us." She didn't notice her hands shaking as Tsubasa offered the worst possible thing she could imagine.

"I might have a guest over sometime in the middle of the summer, is that okay?"

"Is it a girl? Did some girl finally catch your fancy?" The curiousity in Tsubasa's voice was not lost on his younger brother.

"Yeah. Are you sure it's alright?"

"Of course! You have to introduce us to the unlucky lady!"

"I'm thinking of proposing to her."

A crash was heard from the kitchen and both men hurtled out of their chairs to find a broken glass bowl at Mikan's feet. She was bleeding where a shard of glass hit her and immediately, it was Natsume who was crouching at her side, checking her foot as Tsubasa cleaned up the broken glass.

She flinched at his touch and she made the mistake of looking down at him. After all this years, he still affected her. His presence, his scent, his touch all but made her come undone and he knew it. He stood up to face her, and she looked at him unabashedly.

He was taller now, not that she ever matched his height. His face was more sculpted, more define and his body was toned. He was no longer the lean boy of sixteen that she met five summers ago. He was definitely a man now. A man she could only long for but never have. For she now belonged to someone else. He opened his mouth to speak but before he could, his brother came back in to the kitchen and the moment was lost.

The wound and mess was cleaned up and they all agreed to go to bed. He was given her old bedroom as that was the original guest room of the house and Kasai was still accustomed to sleeping in his portable crib. And as the dusk turned to dawn, all but two of the inhabitants of the summer house slept soundly.

* * *

Both Mikan and Natsume avoided having to interact with each other for the next few weeks. When one was in one room of the house, the other did not dare go near or to it. It was like they had silently agreed upon themselves leave the things unspoken as such. But neither could deny the longing in each of their eyes. Longing that each had buried deep for the past five years.

Midsummer came and Natsume's guest had arrived. She was the daughter of one of his dad's business associates, Nobara Ibaragi. And when she came to the summer house, Mikan felt something she had never felt before in her life.

It was like a scorching hot branding iron was struck and searing into her heart. Nobara was a nice girl but seeing her with Natsume, she couldn't help but feel some sort of hatred for her. It was jealousy working its finest. A foreign feeling to Mikan but one all too familiar for Natsume for he felt the same way, watching his brother's affection for Mikan.

And the feeling overwhelmed both and they struggled with it. They never made an opportunity to be alone with each other, scared of what may happen so they made an effort to always be with both partners or at least one. But of course, destiny has a role to play in their lives. And they both needed answers.

They were having drinks on the beach one late afternoon. Kasai was sleeping soundly on his mother's lap near the bonfire that was keeping them warm when Tsubasa received a call. He was needed at work and needed to go back immediately for a few days. Nobara had left the day before, having to attend a family gathering that Natsume had declined to go to. And so, as the afternoon sun began its goodbye to the sky, they were left alone with an awkward silence at the beach.

"I –" they both said in unison, looking at each other.

"You go first." Mikan said softly, stroking her young toddler's hair.

It took him awhile to gather his wits before he finally said it.

"This should've been us." He said gently, looking at the only woman he ever loved with her son.

"What?" She asked.

"This. You. Me. A family. This beach. The sunset. This house. This is our thing. It should've been us."

"But it's not." She said. And it never will be, they both thought.

"I'm sorry Mikan."

"I'm sorry too Natsume."

They each watched the sunset in silence. One had tears slowly trickling down her face and the other one had none. He only had regrets.

"Natsume?"

"Hn?"

"Have you ever.." She looked shyly at him, trying to find the courage to ask him the question bugging her mind.

"Have I ever what?"

"Have you ever, you know, wished things ended up differently?"

"I do. All the time. Even up to now." His answer made his heart pound in his chest. But he knew she needed to know. And he needed to let it all out.

He stared at a space in the sky, nothing particular, but just gazed out into it as he told her how he felt.

"I wish I had asked you to run away with me that day. The day you married him. I wish I had the balls back then, but I didn't. I wish I told my family about you the day we met. That way they would've known you were mine first. I wish you didn't say those two stupid words that bound you to him. I wish that you were the one I slept next to each and every night and woke up to every morning. I wish that I didn't let you go, coz I love only you. But I guess, that's all I can do Mikan, I just wish because what you and Tsubasa have now is the embodiment of what I dreamed to have had with you."

"You weren't the only one that lost, Natsume." She placed her soft dainty hand on top of his.

"I wished back then too, you know. That it was you I was walking towards at the altar. That you had spoken up when the priest asked to objections. I wished back then, that you would. I wished I had the courage to say I didn't want to marry Tsubasa because I really loved you. And I still do. But the day I married him, I loved and lost you. And I can never take it back. I can't say I regret everything that I've done from then until now. I have a husband who dotes on me and a son that I adore, but I can without a doubt say that I never regret having met you and loving you first. You will always be my first love Natsume."

"And you will always be my one, my only true and last." He said sadly.

Somehow after that night, they both found the answers to their questions. They were at peace with the lives they chose, loving each other from afar. Theirs wasn't the simple kind of love. It went beyond that. It didn't mean labels or a commitment on a piece of paper. They both know they lost each other, due to the fear of the unknown in the days of their youth. The pain has stopped but the gap has never closed. They were still whole people but they were never the same as when they were sixteen. They still loved each other, and they both knew that love would last forever. Only, they didn't belong to one another.

 **END**

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 **And as all you can see, this is the short sad ending.**

 **That's all I have to say about it.**

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 **So I decided against a two shot for thinking of you because as my twisted mind dictates, I want to have two endings for that story.. two is always better than one right? Right?**

 **Let me know what you think!**

 **Read, Follow, Favorite and Leave a Review!**

 **Ja Ne!**

 **xoxo Lexi1989**

 **P.S. The Guy Next Door (TGND) has been updated earlier today :D**

 **Next up is Delicious Taboo (DT)**

 **Then Secrets (SEC)**

 **Then Karaoke Nights (KN)**

 **I'll abbreviate those for next coz typing them up takes up too much time and I'm feeling a bit counterproductive today since it's Thanksgiving Holiday (Well in the USA) and work was slow..LoL..**


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